Building Connections

Helping Students Navigate Social Challenges…

From the moment children step into a school environment, one of their biggest goals is to connect, fit in, and feel understood by their peers (Brennan, 2008). Peers can be anyone in a child’s immediate environment—friends, classmates, even siblings. Research shows that childhood friendships are essential for healthy development. They provide emotional support, encourage social skills, and impact cognitive growth (Lindsey, 2002). These relationships shape their behaviour, build resilience, and teach them how to navigate the social world. That’s why schools and educators play a crucial role in fostering these connections. When children feel included and supported, they are more likely to thrive not just academically but emotionally as well. 

When schools don’t actively create spaces for friendships to thrive, children often take the initiative to build their own social networks. They find ways to connect, even in environments that may not fully support peer bonding. This highlights how important a sense of belonging is for a child’s emotional and social well-being. Friendships and social bonds shape their experiences, influencing their confidence and academic performance. But what happens when a child struggles to form these connections?

In one of my recent therapy sessions, a student was referred to me who had been missing school quite often. She wasn’t feeling motivated to attend classes, and when we dug a little deeper, the reason became clear—she just didn’t have any friends at school anymore. Her close friends had all left, and being an introvert, making new ones felt like a mountain to climb. On top of that, she had recently moved houses and changed schools, so her sense of emotional safety and familiarity had taken a hit. Everything around her had shifted—and without any strong social anchor, school just didn’t feel like a place she wanted to be. Unsurprisingly, her studies had started to slip too. 

Once we had built some rapport, we started working on really small, doable goals- nothing too overwhelming. We decided that her goal would be to try and come to school at least three times in the coming week. Alongside that, she’d try to talk to at least one new person in her class. We also discussed how she could start noticing people—whether in her own class or seniors and juniors—who seemed approachable or shared similar interests so she could slowly build new connections.

A few weeks in, something shifted. She walked into our session with a smile I hadn’t seen before and said, “I came to school the whole week!” It was the first time she hadn’t missed a single day that year. That moment was such a win—not just because she was showing up, but because she was beginning to feel like she belonged again.

It reminded me how, sometimes, it takes a few small steps in the right direction—paired with a bit of encouragement and the space to just be—to help someone start feeling connected again. Especially for children and teens, friendships aren’t just a “nice-to-have.” They’re everything.

This case highlights the importance of addressing the emotional and social aspects of school avoidance. By breaking down larger challenges into small, attainable goals, students can regain confidence, rebuild their social connections, and ultimately improve their academic performance. Tailored, student-centred interventions can significantly impact their mental well-being and overall school experience.

As counsellors and teachers, we can help students by encouraging open conversations, creating inclusive classroom environments, and giving children opportunities to form meaningful friendships. Because at the end of the day, every child deserves to feel like they belong.

Intervention Strategies used:

Building a therapeutic alliance was the first step. Once rapport was established, the intervention focused on setting small, achievable goals to help her gradually reintegrate into the school environment. The strategy included:

• Incremental Attendance Goals: Encourage her to set a manageable target of attending school at least three days a week.

• Social Interaction Milestones: Encouraging her to initiate a conversation with at least one new classmate per week.

• Identifying Potential Friends: Helping her recognize peers—whether in her class, seniors, or juniors—who could be potential friends based on shared interests and values.

• Providing Emotional Support: Creating a safe space where she could reflect on her progress and challenges without judgment.

References:

1. Brennan, C. (2008). Partners in play: How children organise their participation in sociodramatic play [Doctoral dissertation]. ProQuest Dissertations Publishing

2. Lindsey, E. W. (2002). Preschool children’s friendship and peer acceptance: Links to social competence. Child Study Journal, 32(3), 145–156.  https://doi.org/10.1080/10409280903329013

3. Markowitz, J. C., & Weissman, M. M. (2004). Interpersonal psychotherapy: principles and  applications. World psychiatry : official journal of the World Psychiatric Association (WPA), 3(3), 136–139.

4. Tejada, J. N., Li, L., & Hammer, M. (2023). Children’s classroom experiences in building peer relationships. Early Childhood Education Journal, 52(6), 991–1000. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10643-023-01484-w